Diversity Exchange

I am happy in Holland....

As a parent of a child with special needs, I know the toll it can take on any parent...especially a parent who works full time! To help support working parents at Aon who have children with special needs, we have been piloting a Share Point or internal collaboration website to allow these parents to share information, resources, and sometimes just to connect and know that someone else is going through the same thing.

In honor of all of those dedicated parents who spend hours researching the best doctors, finding the right schools, and in general just fighting to give their child the opportunity to thrive, I share the following. This story was shared with me by my son's wonderful and dedicated teacher. I hope it gives you the same sense of peace it gave me.

 

Welcome to Holland

 by Emily Perl Kingsley (1987)

 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After a few months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".

 "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a new group of people you would have never met.

It's just a different place, It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy that Italy. But after you've been there for a while and catch your breath, you look around....and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know if busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away....because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

 But....if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things....about Holland.

 

LaShana Jackson

Global Director of Diversity & Inclusion

 

Diversity Can Happen, Inclusion is Intentional

In May, Anderson Cooper presented a four part series to discuss the results of a recent study on children and how they view skin color. Go to CNN to watch videos about the study. This series connects so well to Kara Burrell Wright and her concept of Mindhearted because, as this study showed, almost 70 years after the Kenneth and Mamie Clark Doll Study, a significant number of the children who participated in this current study are forming opinions on the "value" of skin color. During interviews with the parents of these children, many of them were shocked to know that their children had shown a bias because they believed they had been raising a color blind child. 

What does this mean?  It means that at any given point, diversity can happen but inclusion is intentional. What do I mean by that? Many times we assume that we are teaching our children certain values and beliefs, but without supporting behavior they can model, children will disregard those words. More importantly, as with any skill, being more open to different cultures, religions, skin tones, sexual orientation or any number of diverse factors takes practice. It is normal to experience fear, rejection or even disgust as an initial reaction to something that is foreign or different. It is how we elevate ourselves to control that response and embrace these differences that matters...and ultimately takes more than a verbal agreement to do so. It takes exposure beyond the surface which makes true inclusion a much more difficult thing to execute.

When we look at what surrounds us at home, in our communities or who we have as close friends you can begin to see how easily we become comfortable engaging only with others like ourselves. And why not? On the surface, they are more likely to have the same values, engage in the same activities, like the same TV shows, eat the same food...there is common ground to connect on that surface level. So you begin to see that stretching your children, and more importantly yourself, by experiencing inclusion in an intentional way is the only way that you will begin chipping away at the idea of "value" linked to skin color or exclusion based on a disability, or fear based on sexual preference or anger based on religious affiliation.

This exercise in stretching ourselves is not exclusive to one group but something that we all must be cognizant of. So I ask, how are you increasing your and your children's' ability to be inclusive?  I welcome your thoughts!

 

La Shana Jackson

Aon Corporation

Director - Diversity & Inclusion

YWCA Publishes Booklet to Help Parents Support Child Development

We all want to do the best we can to help our kids grow both intellectually and psychologically. If you have children between the ages of 5 and 10 you might be interested in this free information. The YWCA of Canada has published a booklet designed to support a parent’s efforts to build a child’s personal assets and promote reading at the same time. What makes this pamphlet so useful is that it links literacy to some key personal skills that children need to thrive.  These skills include: developing social support, finding empowerment, setting good boundaries and realistic expectations, encouraging the constructive use of time, increasing a commitment to learning, growing positive values, developing social competencies and fostering a positive identity. Each chapter in the pamphlet links certain books to the skill you are trying to instill. The Canadian YMCA has posted this pamphlet on their web site as a free download.
Here is the link:   http://www.ymca.ca/downloads/Eng-Raising-Kids-Who-Read.pdf   

Chet Taranowski Ph.D.
Coordinator Employee Assistance Program
Aon Services Corporation
Chicago, Illinois

Mom's The Word

As the global chair for Aon's Women's International Network (WIN), I was recently presented with an opportunity to join castlerockradio.com's "Mom's the Word" - a fun, intelligent, cutting-edge talk show that covers today’s pressing and important parenting issues. 

I am featured every week as the stay-at-work mom correspondent, providing advice and information relevant to the week's topic at hand.  Each show features guests including parenting experts, doctors, teachers, therapists, nutritionists, fashion experts, chefs, cultural arts experts, etiquette/manners experts, travel experts and more. 

During each show, listeners may call in or email the hosts with questions, concerns, ideas, topics, etc.  Occasionally, the show features “A View From the Cave: A Dad’s Perspective” with a guest dad commenting on and discussing the topic of the day. 

The outcome has been better than I anticipated:  not only does it allow me to hone and strengthen presentation skills (in a very different format), but it also results in another notch in Aon's branding.  I now firmly believe that external interests have a direct and very positive impact on performance at work. 

If you are interested in the show, tune in on February 13th at Noon Central to hear from Dr. Joan about romancing marriage amidst raising a family !

Denise Berger
Managing Director
Women’s International Network, Global Chair
Aon Corporation
El Segundo, CA

Aon Launches Working Parents Network Group

We had a great turnout at our kick-off.  A summary from Mary Ivory is below.  Our next event is a Networking Lunch at the Aon Center on Thursday, August 16 from 12:00-1:00 CST.  See our website for details or email the Working Parents Group.

5 Steps to Emotion Coaching (EC)

1. Be aware of the child's feelings especially when ‘upset’. Be aware of your feelings. Take a few deep breathes before you respond. Deep breathing helps us to get centered or relaxed. We want to move forward with our best intentions.  Remember: First, I want to give and receive RESPECT. Second, emotion is not behavior- it is not good or bad, what we do with it can lead to success or failure. We are getting ourselves ready to guide our child toward good behavior. 
2. Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching. Take two more deep breathes. Again, we need to take care of our own emotional well being to help our child. If we are too tired or rushed we won’t do well. We have the option to take note of the issue at hand and talk about it when we are calm. If we are reasonably calm, we prepare with a breath and reflect on what the loving lesson to be taught. When we can slow down, we can teach our kids to slow down.
3. Listen empathetically, validating the child's feelings. Don't judge the feeling, that is avoid statements like 'you shouldn't feel that way' or 'don't make such a big deal out of it'. Just listen to them. This is when we walk in their world, seeing what the child needs to learn by reflecting on what developmental issues their age group typically has. This may sound simple it is not so easy. But because we have done our ‘homework’ and know what their developmental issues, we are prepared and can support them in powerful problem solving. 
4. Help the child verbally label the emotion. Tell your child you might guess they are feeling a certain way, angry, sad, lonely … We prepare a head of time  with the Name That Feeling game or other emotion naming work, in non stressful times. Now we cleared a path, naming and practicing emotions words can be fun and decrease ‘meltdown time’ as the child feels ease in being understood.  As the difficult issues arise, you can help them name what their feeling  by reflecting on the feeling lists you have created.
5. Set limits, guide, while helping the child problem solve.  By emotion coaching we can get clear on the goal of the emotional upsetting behavior. That leads us to problem solving. Use the sentence stem. “When ….. then…..” to clarify consequences. For example “When you do your homework and I can check it, then you can watch TV”.

Miranda K. Ward
Aon Consulting

Welcome to the Working Parents Group Blog!

Please join us at our kick-off event at the Aon Center in Chicago on Wednesday, July 18, 2007.

Parents are busy people... They want to take steps to assure that parenting is a pleasant and value-based teaching time.  Mary Ivory, Counselor and Life Coach, will share with you the leading experts tips on using positive psychology and coaching approaches to aid in making the most of each situation!  It is a fun talk for anyone who wants to gain extra insight into their parenting role.

We look forward to meeting all of you and hearing your feedback.

Miranda K. Ward
Aon Consulting